a fraction of mind. translation of feelings.

Yippeee…..

Setelah bongkar koper, bagi2in gifts ama duit, hari kelima gw di bandung, gw langsung cabut ke Sarijadi….

Rupanya kabar gw dateng dah didenger anak2, soalnya mereka pada nginep di satu tempat, sampe si Eka jauh2 dateng dari UjungBerung cuman buat nyambut gw….

Gila, suasana jadi sentimentil sekali….

Dan akhirnya kita putusin buat langsung latihan malem itu juga, meskipun bass belom gw set-up. Gw cuman sempet ganti senar baru (elixir polyweb, 45-105), dan gw langsung hit the studio room.

Keren!! keren!!!

kita bawain Citizen Erased, dan langsung klop banget…gw drop senar E jadi D dan kita langsung break the hell loose.

Hmh….

Wish u were here.

Akhirnya…setelah 12 jam terperangkap dalam airbus a330 dan sejam terbuang percuma di Kl buat transit, gw injakkan kaki lagi di indonesia.

Kesan pertama gw…negara keparat ini panas sekali!!!!

Hehehehehe.

Setengah menyeret tas ama bas gw, gw temuin nyokap gw. As usual, beliau langsung nangis. Ha, gw baru nyadar ternyata yang jemput sekitar 16 orang…pake 2 mobil (gw ga ngerti kok bisa masuk orang segitu banyak ke mobil kijang ama Carry?).

Hmh, indah sekali sore ini.

Kita langsung cabs ke Bandung…pake jalur cikampek, padahal gw request lewat puncak biar gw bisa shalat di mesjid Puncak yang sohor pisan itu.

Nyampe bandung jam 11 malem…..

Dan gw terkaget2 lagi, ini rumah gw? Kok jadi keren gini? Hehehehe.

Secangkir teh panas, sepiring nasi+ayam goreng buatan nyokap, akhirnya gw menjatuhkan diri di kasur gw…..

I am home.

Finally…..

Back at last, setelah terperangkap selama 12 jam di Airbus (gw ga tau tipenya apa), ditambah sejam transit di KL, gw nyampe di Indonesia tercinta….

Kesan pertama?

Negara keparat ini panas sekali ya hawanya? hehehehehe

Gw langsung pulang ke Bandung, 3 jam setengah di mobil…….
Sesampainya di rumah, gw kaget banget….so many things changes…too many things!!
Ada SPBU di depan rumah gw sekarang, not bad, not bad at all…jadi sedikit lebih semarak lah.
Hehehehe.

Tp yang lucu seudahnya gw diare n panas dingin…mungkin gw shock ama iklimnya….. (iklim kan band rock negeri jiran, rock meratap2 gitu lah, you know…) Heheheheh.

Jadi gw baru bisa ngumpul ama anak2 band hari Jumat.
Langsung latihan, lagi…..

Chemistry ama atmosphere di ruang studio emang engga terbayarkan.
Baru sekarang gw ngasarin Soundgear gw, biasanya kan gw perlakukan selayaknya puteri Solo. Kemaren necknya ampe gw tonjok2 pas lagu Showbiz. Apalagi pas akhir lagu Citizen Erased……kebetulan banget codanya harmonik E semua…jadi gw betot2 ampe kayak mau gw lempar tu bass…..Heheheheh…maap ya maap..engga lagi-lagi dah.

It was pretty cool…damn , it was so cool….
Gw keringetan kayak abis lari2 muterin gasibu 4 keliling…..

Siapa bilang musik itu engga menyehatkan badan? HEhehehehe.

God, I love my band……

Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough

You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I…that’s alright
We’re the same soul
I don’t need…I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I know that we don’t talk
I’m sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me - when - I -
Sing, you’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me…

Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone…

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

-U2, Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own-

Bono bikin lagu ini buat bokapnya. Gw suka bagian videoklip yang ada ” I wish I’d knew him better…..”
Keliatan banget kalo konflik bapak-anak tuh dah jadi symptoms standard sebuah keluarga. Terasa lega banget.

Kenapa?

Gw pikir cuman gw doang yg selalu berantem ma bokap gw.
Kadang2 gw suka senyum2 sedih sendiri, betapa kita tuh always mempertentangkan hal2 kecil…dan hal2 bodoh, kalo gw boleh jujur.
Kayak tentang nyuci motor…ato tentang band gw yg engga juntrung mo kemana (masa2 kuliah semester5).

Eventually, it all ends up that this is life, a conflict always happened to those who are about to grow up, spread the feather and fly away……away from the nest.

I thought that he didn’t want to understand me.

Hehehehe.

Baru tadi gw telpon bokap gw….Kangen bgt gw suaranya……gw agak2 ngeri juga, gw pikir kita bakal berantem lagi masalah tanah. Actually, gw lega banget pas dia bilang….”. kamu pulang aja dulu, kita obrolin lagi disini”.

I hope he understand….I really do.

To hundreds of thousand teenager out there, stuck in a fight and conflict with family, gw pengen bilang, you’re not alone…….I feel it too. Face it, don’t runaway from it…..

This corner of the earth is like me in many ways
I can sit for hours here and watch the emerald feathers play
On the face of this I’m blessed
When the sunlight comes for free
I know this corner of the earth it smiles at me
So inspired of that there’s nothing left to do or say
Think I’ll dream, ’til the stars shine…

-10 April 2005, 01.05-

This is exactly how I feel everytime I see you….
Weird as it may seems to be, but don’t you think we got lot a things in common?

For example: You’re gorgeous and cute, and I’m hilarious and lovable.

So whaddya think, girl?

It doesn’t matter I live in another part of the world, that’s why telephone was invented. (”,)

Rayuan gombal. Gagal, lagi. Pathetic.

Gw tadi ngobrol2 ama chef gw tentang kebiasaan permanent2 sini. Ternyata etos kerja sini juga ga terlalu2 bagus amat, ya. Dan yang paling gondok tuh, mereka lebih easy going…dalam artian “ah ga usah dikerjain sekarang, toh nanti ada yang ngerjain” atau “ah, mendingan koffie pauze aja dulu, atoh si Dikdik masuk 5 menit lagi”. It makes me shiver and go wondering, lalu apa artinya sebuah TEAMWORK kalo semua saling memanfaatkan satu sama lain?

Makan hati ya.
Belom lagi kalo masalah ini disatuin ama karakter2 orang2 bersangkutan….it’s a damn more complicated things to solve…..
Gw masih inget waktu summer dulu, bartender gw si sotoy itu bilang “I don’t like you/ Ik houd niet van je”. Mungkin dia pikir kalo kata2 dia bakalan kena ke gw….Padahal yang ada gw langsung sentak balik, “Keep it that way, I don’t care…..in fact, I don’t give a fuck whether you like me or not….I got bigger things to deal on”.

Gila, dia pikir semua orang suka sama dia? Kan jelas2 gw yang lebih populer di tempat kerja hihihihi.

Anyway.

Kebayang ga sih kalo semua orang di dunia ini, eh engga deh, kejauhan. Let’s say semua orang di Belanda ini “klik” ato “match” satu sama lain. Kebayang engga betapa teraturnya hidup ini, betapa silence and still a life would be. Engga ada konflik sama sekali, dan engga ada benturan2 sosial sama sekali….

Hiiiii……what a boring life would that be, isn’t it?

Konflik sama sekali engga bisa dihindari. It’s a symptoms that tells, a social interaction is going…..
Tinggal kitanya aja yang keep cool, keep smart…..Jago2 nahan nafsu ngegaplok orang, ato jago2 nahan nafsu pengen ngebentak orang…..

Tapi ya, namanya juga orang, sabar ada batasnya toh……And sometimes all hell breaks loose…..

Just sometimes.

Jari gw kejepit meja tadi pagi.
An**ng sakit banget.

Pasti bakalan engga enak nih, maen bass malem ini.

Kemaren gw maen ke Amsterdam ama Acit. It’s spring, they say…but somehow rain keep on falling the whole frikkin’ day.
I forgot to bring gloves, sherpa hat…..

Pas nyampe stadion Ajax di Duivendrecht, semangat foto2 gw langsung kendor….
Gimana engga, mau mencet tombol shutter aja susahnya minta ampun, jemari gw beku semua. intinya, ngupil jadi engga enak, aja. Kan jadi engga flexible gitu. Hahahaha.

Bought several goodies there. Atu buat A Iwan, atu buat Luthfi. Terus gw cabut ke Amsterdam Central. Bought helluva goodies there too. Dari klompen porselen kecil, kaos bola, piring, lilin, ampe magnet2 kulkas gw beli semua….

Dan baliknya baru nyadar kalo gw abis banyak. Hehehehe. Ach, yang penting ada kenang2an buat familie (ach, TKW sekali komentarnya).

Terus kemaren gw mimpi french kissing ama somone yang setngah mati gw kejar2 pas semester 5 dulu. Huahahaha. Gw bangun tidur langsung nyegir2 geli gitu. Huahahahaha.

Anyway, have a nice day, thanks for reading this nonsense.

T’care.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful
instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on
him,
who will stay awake just to watch you
sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forhead,
who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
who thinks you’re just as pretty without
makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly
reminding you
of how much he cares about you
and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends
and
says, "…that’s her."

GUYS…

Find a girl who calls you baby instead of
hot or sexy
who can’t stand it when you hang up on
her and
calls right back,
who would sit there for hours looking into
your
eyes,
who doesn’t care what you look like, but
what’s
inside counts the most,
Who looks at you with the twinkle in her
eyes and
kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips,
Wants to be with you in public, even if
you wear
those old grass stained and ripped pants
with the
bleached jersey like always,
Wait for the girl who is a constant
reminder of your
happiness and joy, who makes you smiles
just by
knowing she loves you back.
Wait for the girl who you give piggy back
rides to in
public and she still is in view of her
friends, while
she gets off and you hear her go: "you’re
the one
for me, for always"

-dikdik-
baby if you read this, tell me that you feel me too…

This morning I met her again. And oh my God, I can’t believe how beautiful she is….

Not just "hot", or either "sexy" or "pretty", but she is beautiful. And i just can’t believe waht seems to be one of the world wonder, is talking to me. Every second seems freezes. Every gestures appear like slow motion. Every breath I take I breathe the scent of her perfume. After she went away doing something else, the echo of her sexy, childish voice still floating in the air….like a living charm that just so stubborn and won’t let go.

And she touches me, she fix my messy collar…..not like the way she touches everybody else, it’s something with honesty and "feel". There were no word spoken between us, but only a retard can’t notice what is so obvious…..You know what am I saying? And everybody around smiling jealously to us…..to what seems to be the sweetest love scene before their own eyes.

I just can’t believe I’ll be leaving next Friday. So unfair.

-7 April 05, 03.05-